So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
