maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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