my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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