then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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