So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
