What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
