i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
