Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
