worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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