Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
