yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
