You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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