i would punch a child for taco bell
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
