I feel like abortions should bother me more
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
