you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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