Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
