sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
