the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
