cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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