I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
