I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
