I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
