McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
