So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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