I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
