some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
