I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
