Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
