Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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