Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
