i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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