I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
