If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
