I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
