Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
