Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
