Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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