take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
