I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
