I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
ok first of all what the fuck
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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