Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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