My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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