It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
