Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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