my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
