He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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