I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
