Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
