I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
