do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I want her autograph on my taint
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
