I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
