All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
