so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
