When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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