well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
